Simple Solutions for Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

How to tame the destructive force of consistently seeing the worst in yourself

Man in negative self talk

The Power of Negative Thinking!

The good news is we now know that you can do something about negative self-talk.  This is a common problem for human beings, and if you have Attention Deficit Disorder or ADHD, this is even more of an issue for you.

Negative self-talk has an exceptionally insidious effect on the human psyche.  It’s demoralizing and depressing; it undermines self-esteem and motivation; and it is oppressive to the human spirit.  Many people feel you attract to your life whatever you think about the most.  Some call it the Law of Attraction, and it does seem that if you are thinking the worst, the worst usually happens.

You may not be able to eliminate negative self-talk from your life, but you don’t have to live with it unchallenged. If you hear yourself engaging in negative self-talk, you can do something about it.  Consider the Three Cs Technique:

  1. Catch it!  In this step you simply observe yourself.  Listen to the words.  Notice when, where, and why you are so negative.
  2. Check it!  In Step 2, you make the decision to stop using the expression or the language that is so negative.  In other words, stop putting yourself down.
  3. Change it!  Step 3 is more proactive. Counter your negative expression by changing it to the opposite, to a positive statement.  Instead of saying, “I’m such a ditz!” repeat the affirmation “I am organized and I’ve got it together.”   The idea is to let the positive affirmations work on your subconscious and create a new belief system to view your world from. And at the very least, you will enjoy hearing yourself saying positive things.

After you master the Three Cs Technique, take it one step further.  If you really want the positive self-talk to work for you, consider repeating a positive mantra in different ways.  Here’sPostit declaring "you're awesome" one idea:  State the affirmations in the past tense, then present tense, then in the future tense.  Your affirmations might sound like this:  “I have always been reliable.”  “I am reliable.”  “I will continue to be reliable.”  Repeat these in that order ten times and do that series of repetitions a number of times during the day.

Or another variation: State the affirmation in the first person, second person, and third person.  So Tom’s affirmation might sound like this: “I am a hard worker.”  “You are a hard worker.”  “Tom is a hard worker.”

For further reading, consider Oli Hille’s book Tips on Self Talk from Amazon. currently only $0.99 in the Kindle Store.  By working on your subconscious with positive self-talk, you can change the way you think about yourself and create a new and better reality.

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How to Nail Your Next Job Interview

Success in the job interview may not depend on what you say, but how you say it.

So you have your best suit on and your resume is typed; you’ve check on the Internet, found the common questions interviewers ask, and you’ve even read a little about the company.  So what!  That’s what all the other candidates are doing also.  What is going to separate you from the crowd?

A key to nailing  job interview questions may lie in knowing your “Why” and being able think and talk from a place of passion within yourself.

Watch the video below and listen to how Simon Sinek describes the impact of knowing your “Why,” and how it helped companies succeed.  Then see if there isn’t an important lesson for you as an individual in knowing why you do what you do.

It’s not what you say but how you say it; and it’s not what you do but why you do it.  Does your passion come through in your answers to interview questions?  It will if you are in touch with your “Why”.  When you define your “Why” there is a shift in your energy and attitude, and that’s how you create the most elusive of all qualities that employers are looking for: “presence”.

“Having a “presence” is how you stand out from the crowd.

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One Huge Takeaway You Can Get from Working with a Professional Coach

Our coaching retreat offered a surprising concept that can help you succeed in your business or personal life.

My recent experience reconfirmed the power of coaching for me.  I just got back from a weeklong retreat on the shores of Lake Michigan with our ADHD COACHING EMPOWERS team of coaches.  In addition to enjoying the beautiful sunsets, the focus of the daily work sessions was branding and business building.  I know: BORRRRING!

Lake Michigan Sunset

Lake Michigan Tranquility

But as a part of the process, we each traded daily coaching sessions.  I have always been a believer that coaching helps you move forward with whatever you are working on. Most people “meet” with their coach once a week over the phone and it’s effective in clarifying goals, breaking down obstacles, and creating motivation. (Click here for a more comprehensive list of coaching topics.)  It’s time well spent because it saves the wasted time and money of following a trial and error method and of going it alone.

At our Lake Michigan retreat, we started each day off with a 30-45 minute coaching session.  Each of us would bring an issue related to what we were working on that day and we took turns coaching each other.  Part of the purpose was to sharpen our coaching skills in compliance with industry (ICF) standards.  But the effect was to move each person forward with a new awareness and an intensity that I had not experienced before.

Much is made of how coaching can help one create goals, set priorities, or break through personal blocks.  But an outcome that even surprised me from our marathon coaching sessions was the focused energy I felt.

So besides the beautiful Lake Michigan sunsets, I left the retreat with one clear, lasting and important takeaway:  Being coached by a well-trained professional is energizing!

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Would you like to make improvements in your life or business?  Click here and use the Contact Us page to learn how the coaches at  ADHD COACHING EMPOWERS can help you create the life you want.

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Those with ADHD Can Maintain their Balance and Focus

Do You Have to Choose Either Excitement or Boredom?

Man in middle of bungee jump

"Wow! Am I focused?"

Is Attention Deficit Disorder a problem of too much stimulation, or too little?  The answer is both.  ADDers who find themselves in situations where there is not enough going on, or they are not interested in what is going on, or what’s going on is too routine, often slip into what can be a painful boredom.  That’s when other ADD symptoms surface: difficulty maintaining focus, daydreaming, impulsiveness, problems finishing things, blurting things out, etc. In order to turn on that focus center in the brain, Adders need an environment that engages them.

When the focus center is turned on for an ADDer, they are tuned-in, excited, and it feels good to them.  You will see it in their enthusiasm and passion.  In fact, one of the characteristics of people who have ADD is they are drawn to high-risk activities. Why?  Because that’s when their brain’s neurons are firing and the focus center is turned on, and that’s when they feel the best. Anyone for bungee jumping?

Ah . . . but where there is a Ying there’s a Yang!  On the flip side, ADDers can too easily be over-stimulated.  When there’s too much going on, too many activities, too much conversation, or too many things that have to be done all at once, they can quickly feel overwhelmed.  What happens then?  Very often the ADDer’s brain will shut down and he won’t feel like doing anything.  That’s when procrastination sets in and those who try do deal with this problem in a more conventional way, such as increased pressure, are missing the mark.  They are dealing with the symptom not the cause.

Boy who is totally bored

Boredom!

You might ask, “Isn’t this true for everyone?  Doesn’t everyone get bored and start daydreaming if there isn’t enough stimulation and get overwhelmed if there is too much going on?”  Yes!  But for ADDers it is simply more of an issue.  They seem to have a narrower range where the amount of stimulation is just right.  It’s more of a delicate balancing act as they walk that narrow I-beam, the range between overwhelm and over-stimulation.

The best chance for success is for ADDers to increase their own self-awareness and then, to the extent possible, take control of their environment or situation, and keep their balance

To learn how the coaches at ADHD COACHING EMPOWERS can help you improve your life, click here and use the Contact Us page.

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Distractions: The Double-edged Sword of Attention Deficit Disorder

There are Strategies to Help Control your Focus and Attention that Everyone Can Use

As almost everyone is aware, people who have Attention Deficit Disorder or ADHD, struggle with being easily distracted.  That’s what the syndrome is by definition: attention deficit.  But fewer seem to realize that the challenge is really a difficulty regulating attention; that is, an inability to pay attention when you are supposed to as well as a difficulty shifting attention when you need to.

Someone who is driven to distractions

Who let all these distractions in here, anyway?

For Jamie it’s been another one of those days.  Oh, it started off all right, full of good intentions.  Jamie was going to get SO MUCH DONE.  She had a full to-do list all figured out:  clean the house, walk the dog, answer emails, pick up flowers for a sick friend, have coffee with a potential client, update her web site, design the advertising flier for the next event, and so on.  And here it was five o’clock in the afternoon and she had only met with the client.  Everything else remained undone.

This was typical; her intentions were good, but when something else caught her eye, Jamie was off and running, chasing that new bit of “glitter”.  Yes, Jamie has ADHD inattentive, and is easily distracted and usually doesn’t get done as much as she intends.  In fact, she is almost used to it.

But being easily distracted is only half of this double-edged sword, and Jamie knows it.  The other half, which maybe is worse, is being interrupted once she has settled down and achieved focus.  When she finally has gotten “into” designing that campaign flier, it feels good.  She’s making progress and it feels good. And not much feels worse than being jarred out of her hyperfocus, but that will happen when her husband gets home, which will be any time now.

If you, like Jamie, are one who has trouble with transitions, then you know it.  Disruptions not only affect you mentally, but also physically, and strategies meant to deal with this issue must take that into account.

Crazy clock

Adjusted time!

Obviously, a strategy that you or a coach might come up with needs to fit your particular situation.  What is the type of interruption? Who can help you with it? How much control over it do you have? What are your options? Exploring these kinds of questions will help you generate some workable alternatives.

For instance, I know one self-employed ADDer who sleeps all day and works all night because that is the only time he has control over his environment. Maybe you can’t or don’t want to go to that extreme, and so here are some other ideas:

1.  If you are an ADDer, give yourself extra time and extra warning when you need to transition to a different activity.  If a spouse or even one of your children are on their way home, have them call or text you first to give you time to adjust to the shift in activities that are coming once they arrive.

2.  When you are working at home, make a pact with yourself that you won’t answer the phone or answer the door while you are working. And turn off the email and Facebook.  These are simple ways of taking control of your environment.  What you are really doing is setting the same type of boundaries an employer would set if you worked in an office.

3.  Here’s another idea:  I recently came across a program called Time Out by dejal, a free download from the Internet.  Once you configure the settings, the program will gradually surface and take over your computer screen, very gently reminding you that it is time to take a break. For those of you who have trouble breaking out of hyperfocus and find yourself forgetting to take a once-an-hour stretch-break, this serves as a great reminder.

But Time Out can work to keep you focused too.  Just make a pact with yourself to stay at work on the computer, to not be distracted by the “glitter” in your life, to not take a break or get distracted until the Time Out program comes up and reminds you that it’s okay to take ten.

These are just a few ideasthat you might use.  The point is that there are strategies out there to help you avoid distractions as well as deal effectively with the normal transitions that are a necessary part of life

Would you like to make improvements in your life or business?  Click here and use the Contact Us page to learn how the coaches at  ADHD COACHING EMPOWERS can help you change your life until you love your life.

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REVEALED: Jerry’s Seinfeld’s Secret to Getting More Done

Find Out How Jerry Seinfeld Increases his Consistency, Momentum, and Efficiency

Adam exercises every day. His apartment is always clean, neat and tidy. He has completed more projects in the last 60 days than he did in all of 2011. How does he do it? He finally decided to give Jerry Seinfeld’s Personal Productivity Secret a try.  I did too and I’m here to attest that it really works!

Jerry Seinfeld's productivity secret

Jerry Seinfeld

You may need to modify it to fit your lifestyle, but I think it will work for you too.

Remember, it’s all about momentum, and so don’t break the chain!

Now you’re just dying to know what the Secret is, aren’t you?  Well, wait no longer.  Adam Dachis lays out the whole procedure at this link: Seinfeld’s Secret. 

To learn how the coaches at  ADHD COACHING EMPOWERS can help you improve your life, click here and use the Contact Us page.

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6 Lessons to Help You Succeed from Bubba Watson Winning the Masters

Bubba Watson won the Masters Golf Tournament on Easter Sunday in one of the most exciting final rounds in recent history.  In doing so, his efforts set an example for golfers everywhere.  But as many have said, golf is a metaphor for life, and clearly there are takeaways from Bubba’s exhibition for anyone wishing success in anything.

Bubba Watson hitting out of the woods

Bubba Watson's Creativitiy

Lesson one:  Creativity is important.  Bubba Watson may well be the most creative player in professional golf today.  A perfect example is the shot that I think won the tournament for him: his approach on the 10th hole during the playoff.  Bubba was in the woods with no clear shot to the green.  Known for his ability to visualize, he was able to hook the ball some forty yards around the trees and bounce it on the green where it rolled to a stop 12 feet from the hole.  Later he said, “I saw a crazy shot in my head and now I’m wearing a green jacket (awarded to the winner of the Masters).” Because of his creativity, he was able to accomplish what few would dare attempt.

Lesson 2:  It takes perseverance to succeed.  Bubba started the round with a bogey on the first hole and his playing partner, Louis Oosthuizen, made a double eagle on number 2 to take the lead.  In other words, after two holes in the final round, Bubba was 5 back of the lead.  That‘s enough to deflate many competitors.  But as he said in a post game interview, he had to hang in there:  “After he dropped that 2 on me at 2, I just kept my head down because I knew there were birdies on the back nine.”  His message:  Never give up!

Lesson 3: Do it your way.  One thing about Bubba is his independence.  Nobody swings a club like Bubba.  That’s because his swing is entirely homemade.  Bubba never had a golf lesson.  He never studied his swing on video or analyzed it in a computer.  He never spent time comparing it to others with great swings: Ben Hogan, Sam Snead, Jack Nicklaus, or Phil  Mickelson to name a few.  The first thing an instructor would do is change his set-up, or limit the way he opens up in the downswing, or try to control his follow-through.  Bubba was not having any of that.  His independence is part of who he is, just as it is part of his golf game.

Lesson 4: You can work around your challenges.  Not many remember that Bubba Watson struggles with Attention Deficit Disorder.  In fact, as good as he is, he never won a golf tournament in high school or in college.  As we know, golf is a game of concentration and focus, and Bubba’s biggest challenge in golf has been to control his ADHD.  He had to find a way to block the constant bombardment of extraneous thoughts that would run through his head.  Obviously, this is one challenge that he has worked on and whatever coping techniques he uses, they are effective.

Bubba Watson in Butler cabin

Bubba Watson, Masters Champion

Lesson 5: Reality can exceed expectations. There has been much written about the importance of setting goals.  Part of the purpose of goals is they are supposed to push us to accomplish more.  And sometimes our work towards achieving goals goes beyond our best dreams and we surprise even ourselves.  Such is the case with Bubba:  “I never got this far (winning the Masters) in my dreams, so it is not a dream come true.”

Lesson 6:  Nice guys can finish first.  Bubba Watson is one of the most likeable players on the PGA Tour.  He’s personable, he’s open, and he relates well with players and fans alike.  It was virtually impossible to watch the finish of that tournament and not get caught up in the genuine emotion that Bubba and his family, friends and fans felt when he won the most prestigious of all golf tournaments.  If you didn’t realize it before, he showed us what too many have forgotten in modern sports: It’s okay to be a decent, honorable, likeable guy.

We can learn how to succeed in schools, or we can read books on how to achieve more, or we can work with a mentor to accomplish goals.  But also, when we just take the time to look around, we can even learn from a golfer.  One could do worse than take a lesson or two from Bubba!

To learn how the coaches at ADHD COACHING EMPOWERS can help you improve your life, click here and use the Contact Us page.

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How to Increase your Mental Focus and Brain Power

Would you love to have more control over your ability to focus?  Most of us would.   The good news is there is clear evidence that you can “train your brain” to avoid distractions, to concentrate, and to stay focused on your task.

Increase brain power and focus and concentration

Increase your Mental Focus

According to some studies, it takes on average 25 minutes to get back on task each time you are distracted from your work.  Think how much more productive you could be if you lessened your distractibility. Do you remember the last time you were in “the zone” when time seemed to disappear and outside distractions had little effect on you?  Some people call this a state of “hyperfocus.”  Can you be productive then?  You bet!

Part of the solution is to set up your work environment to have the fewest distractions possible.  That’s probably obvious.  But there are other things you can do.

In an article recently published in LifeHacker.com, Thorin Klosowski suggests that you can train your brain to pay attention, to focus more, and to stay focused.  The trick is to “pay attention to your attention” when you are able to focus.  Specifically, pay attention to that feeling you have when you are the most focused and you will increase your ability to recreate that feeling in other activities.

Does meditation have a role?  The short answer is “Yes!”  Studies suggest that you can actually build brain tissue by meditating, especially in areas of the brain that control focus.

You can read the whole article at the following link: http://lifehac.kr/GGh4Dy.  Klosowski offers some exercises to help you increase your ability to concentrate and a number of other resources if you want to take it further.  It’s well worth your time, and focus.

To learn how the coaches at ADHD COACHING EMPOWERS can help you improve your life, click here and use the Contact Us page.

Or to leave a comment, click on the word “Comments”  below.